Hello Holy Tribe.
Today, a very real blog…
I wanted to write, honestly, for myself. I need to unload and this is one of my favorite ways to do so.
So….you all get to be “in on my brain” here. (Try not to be scared. smile.)
The last four weeks have been, shall we say, an adventure? We started out the New Year at Disney World with the whole family (hubby, kids, and granddaughter). It was delightful! It’s so great to be part of a family that doesn’t need to fight. We truly just enjoyed each other, the food, the rides, etc. It was uplifting, emotionally fulfilling and straight up just fun.
Now, the downside was our dear friend was at home, sick in the hospital. This stayed in my heart while we were there. I prayed often and deeply for his wife and family – and I still am… He had been in the hospital since early December and leaving on this trip felt a little “off” because... how is it fair to have fun when those I love are struggling? But here we were. We got home January 9, our friend passed on January 14 and we had a conference (in which I was teaching) January 15-17. His service was on Jan. 19. So much sadness and loss.
In the month of January I went from such fun highs to such deep lows. So much sheer pleasure to so much painful grief.
Our friend was only 55.
Today, news came of my hubby testing positive for the very thing that ended the life of my ‘brother’ who passed.
Exactly 4 weeks of elation and grief and news of what could bring lots of fear.
Whoa. Hold on my Sweet Heart. You are brave and strong and beautiful. Capable to feel it all. You neither have to feel guilt for the fun, nor full despair over the loss because you do not grieve as one without hope – even when it really hurts. You have nothing to fear because you are surrounded by perfect love. And here – in perfect love – there is no fear. You, dear love, are filled with the life of Jesus – literally HE is IN you and WITH you.
I love His WITHNESS!
You are overflowing with the love He has poured into you. And you are loaded with Light that creates and continues to create. It is safe to feel. It is safe to rest. It is safe to connect with Father’s heart. He is for you.
It’s easy to feel numb after such extremes, or to feel depressed and desperate. Those feelings are ok. As David said in his poetry, “Why are you so downcast, Oh my soul? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him.”
It’s good to feel – pain, numbness, loss, joy, failure, beauty, hope, life, and death. These are all the things that make us human and that make life GOOD. The catch is not to get stuck in them. He came for life and abundant life. Life that is unlike what many simply do not have.
What’s important? FEEL. Release. Trust. Embrace every single moment. AND – become childlike….free, full of life, laughter, lightheartedness.
If I cannot experience childlike hope, trust, and joy – my focus on the Lover of my soul has been lost.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go buy a sucker, find a swing, and be a child trusting.
Much love, y’all. Whatever you’re doing today – don’t forget to PLAY and be that kid with not a care in the world!!! smile. We are LIVING WITH HIM.